textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
