Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
