how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
