I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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