Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
