I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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