Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
