You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i think my cat just said my name.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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