You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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