Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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