some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
