I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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