i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
