I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You may now shotgun with the bride
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
