I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
