Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
