whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We need to rekindle our bromance
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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