when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
