At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm always down for nudity.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
