Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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