A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
