its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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