So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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