I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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