Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
