I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
