Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
