I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
