I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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