Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
