I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
