i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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