Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize