Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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