Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
