nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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