Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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