I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
