i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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