u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
