I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
