It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
