How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
