went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
