Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
