There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
