oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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