I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
