so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
