If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
