i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
