I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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